Vortex

Author: Jax Cassidy // Category:
Being an artist sucks. You're oversensitive, temperamental, and fall into a pit of depression every chance you get. I think it's about being tortured--when in fact you do it to yourself. Here I am, just job searching and it hit me that I'm not 22 with stars in my eyes and dreams of a brilliant future as a top Ad Exec for a Fortune 500 company. Instead, I'm an EA at a boring corporate real estate company that I'm so overqualified for it ain't even funny. When did it happen? How did I end up comfortable with being an assistant when I'm a bossy, workaholic, overachiever? Well, it did happen and now I push papers and coordinate event and zone out when I'm making copies of a zillion legal documents. Yawn. Where's the excitement in that? I usually drag a box of copier paper and use it as a lounge chair.

So, today, as I clicked away at job post after job post I stumbled across an excellent job listing and it totally depressed me. It's so true. Truth is, the one word that totally freaked me out was in referenced to being 'polished'. Well, hell, I was 'polished'-- once when I was living in Paris and jetsetting to book signings as a promoter. Jeez, it was the best 3 years of my life. Now I realize I'm just as confused at 34 as I was at 21 and it's very scary. Of course, I'm busting butt nowadays and trying to realize this dream of Bohemian artist and novelist. I'm still feeling a bit unfulfilled and I'm still trying to figure out who I really am. Does it get any easier? No, this isn't a mid-life crisis by any means. In a blink of an eye life has passed me by and I wonder where I should be in the next 10 years and it's a bit daunting.

5 Responses to "Vortex"

Barb Says :
9:40 PM

(((Jax))) I've been where you are, and I'm sure I'll be there again. I could be doing so much more in corporate America, but I scaled back to follow my dreams. What if they don't come true? They must. I'm determined to make it happen. And it will happen for you, too.

stephenrowe Says :
12:38 AM

Jax, The artist is blessed as well as cursed. The curse is in the blessing of being able to see. Free and alone, then make new works that inspire others to do good works. Be well. Stephen

Eva Gale Says :
10:15 AM

You are so talented. Hang in there and you'll find your path.

Tess Harrison Says :
12:05 PM

Jax you're post could be me, I sear it! Well except for the talented part. . . But I've been struggling lately with the fate I've just 'accepted' and realized it just isn't good enough for me. I want so much more. Good luck with your dreams and I hope you find and reach your destination!

jax Says :
11:56 PM

Thanks folks! I think I'm feeling better now. I just needed to have a little self pity but I know I've got to produce some books regardless of life's twists and turns. I really believe artists are a tortured lot, but it's so much fun when we finally make it.

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