Jax's Artistic Journey...

Simply: I've been taking my muse for granted.

She used to hang around, excitedly filling my head with all kinds of creative ideas, and providing countless sleepless nights. I thought that she would always be a part of my life and never considered a time when she would abandon me...well, that time came a few months ago. I woke up one morning and realized she was nowhere to be seen. For days I worried she had enough of my stubbornness and took a sabbatical. When the days turned into weeks, then months--I knew there was a possibility she would never return. So I begged and pleaded but she refused to acknowledge my existence. What is a girl to do?

I sulked for a while and fell into a wormhole of depression but during that time without my dear muse, I found myself. I wish I could say that I did it all by my lonesome...but the truth is...I had a little help from my friends. What I discovered was that my muse contains elements of each one of my dear friends. While I was in search of one single entity, I hadn't expected that she had been waiting for me to wake up from my dream and see the truth for what it is....

Thank you dear friends for sending my muse back home to me. Without you guys, I would still be lost in that forest, devoid of creativity :) YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

And this project will be my love story to you all.

My buddy TechGirl is so good at manipulating me.

You see, we are two peas in a pod. We love volunteer work (whenever possible) but she's waaaay ahead of me in those endeavors and she motivates me to make a difference. She's good for the soul! TechGirl has coerced me to set a goal to travel with her to Africa next year. She works with a non-profit called The Slate Foundation (one of a zillion organizations she's with) and is a part of the team to create a sustainable design for the school room. She's also going to help build it with her group if all goes well on the funding end. Where do I come in? I'm going to tag along as a teacher..or chef...and pitch in where I can. If it's going to be green-lit and the plans are concrete, I will be off in the wilds for a few weeks and roughin' it with her. So excited about getting my hands dirty with manual labor, living off the earth, and just doing something to help others. That is, if I can get everything ironed out in the 'personal obligations' department...this trip would be a complete dream! Of course, I will document the adventures of Jax & TechGirl!

Here's sprinkling sunshine on you for the rest of your week...

I was sorting through my endless piles of boxes, over a decade of my life has resided in those dusty things...every now and again I'll come across elementary school report cards, awards and honors, old photos and the occasional love letters. Why did I keep them? I guess for sentimental value. My first love, my first kiss, my first discovery of all that is wonderful in a relationship...but that's not where I'm headed. I came across old pen pal letters. Over the years I've had quite a few pen pals from all over the world from Egypt to the UK and they're all very dear to me. I often wonder why I stopped keeping in touch. Sometimes I want to reach out and find my friends to see how their life has turned out. Vague memories fill my head and most of the reasons why we disconnected was because we allowed our lives to move ahead without notifying our friends, then one day the letters stop coming and the friendship has faded. It's sad to think about how easily it would have been to send a notice of moving...but then I remember what I've learned from each relationship. In the past few months I reconnected with my friends from elementary school and my long lost pen pal from Holland. There are some I still stay in touch with regardless and I like knowing about their lives. I like growing with them because they have shaped the person I am. As I grow older, I look back on my friendships and I realize that it's more important to be a good friend, to have a good friend, and to understand that friends are there for you no matter how much you want to push them away...they'll come knocking on your door and drag you out for drinks, drive you home while you're in a drunken stupor, and throw your ass in bed...I've had a few of those in my time and I won't name names--but I appreciate everything they've done for me and I'd do the same for them without hesitation...

I recall those college years when life was carefree and there was a whole lot of craziness going around. I can't tell you every sordid details but it was the time in my life where I could only say I would never forget or regret. So many faces, people, friends, yet I remember them all. Lately, I've been contacted by many people from my past. People I had never seen or spoken to in YEARS! Ex-boyfriends, college buddies, childhood friends...A few weeks ago I was contacted by someone from out of the blue. He was the first friend I met when I went away to Gainesville and because of him I met a whole network of people. Twelve years later he is a doctor and has a well established practice in Maryland. How strange life can be that most of these friends I've re-connected with are living the same life...they are going through divorce or are divorced. Some with children, some without. Some are successful, some still finding their own way. It's a time when a glimpse of the past tells you that the person you are now is the person you should be. I'm thankful I had good experiences. I'm thankful I had fun and took what life had to offer. I'm thankful that I can look back and know that I did those stupid, insane, exhilirating things and took those portions of youth with me...I wouldn't change a thing. Never.

So we talked for hours, going through adventures and memories, discussing who we were then and who we are now. It's so amazing that over a decade has passed and we still have this friendship, this connection. As if it was yesterday! WOW! Is all I can say. I'm going to have a reunion with the friends whom I shared crazy times with. It's going to be a bit of a surprise...seeing as I haven't changed one bit. Maybe a little more rock 'n roll and a bit more daring than before, but inside, I have only changed a fraction...for the better.

I can only see vast opportunities in my future and I am so fortunate I have shaped my own destiny in my own way. I'll continue making new memories, new friends, new love, new life...but the past will remain a teaching ground for which to grow....