Blossoming from within...

Author: Jax Cassidy // Category: , ,
Before I start on my topic at hand...you can read my latest article on the Killer Fiction blog. Also, Romance Junkies is giving away my book (which I will autograph)!

I love Pino Daeni! His paintings evoke so many sensual images and emotions by his use of color and technique. This painting "Sensuality" gave me an idea for today's topic...it is indeed the ART OF SENSUALITY! I know, I'm too clever for my own good. :)

Growing up in a traditional Asian American home, I was forced to repress any interest in learning about intimacy, sex and sensuality. The curiosity of exploring your own sexuality was a no-no. We couldn't explore the boundaries of eroticism or sex because it was perceived as sacred and a form of procreation. Of course, this only piqued my interest. Repressing your desires can play a big number on your psyche because for the longest time, I believed that these natural urges to learn about our own bodies and our need for intimacy was sinful. I carried a lot of guilt for my attraction to boys. I was totally boy crazy and pushing these hormonal needs made me retreat and feel empty inside. It wasn't until much later in my life that I was able to explore that human side of myself and understand that it is healthy to indulge in one's curiosity. The test of maturity was in being able to handle one's own sexuality responsibly.

I grew up watching Soap Operas and learned to love romance at a very young age, yet when the hero or heroine had any physical interactions on screen (including kissing), my mother used to flip the channel. So, already I was left wanting to seen the juicy parts. You know what they say about censorship? A precocious child becomes obsessed with learning more and will secretly do whatever it takes to uncover the answers. I remember the first time I came across my cousin's Playboy stash. I was shocked, then curious, then aroused. Hummm, arousal was more of me projecting myself as the centerfold model. I envied their beauty more than understood about what I was feeling. I wandered when I would develop my curves and possibly look like the models who proudly displayed themselves. For a teen, it was a moment of enlightenment. Of course, I became obsessed with monitoring my own body's development but was sorely disappointed that I never fully blossomed the way the women did. That pivotal point drove me to dress a little more sexier, put on a little more make up, act a little older around men. Okay, I was a kid and in not having someone to discuss this spurt of sexuality rolling in my mind, I was going about everything the wrong way.

We didn't have the internet in those days so there was no way I could research the growing desire for knowledge on the topics of sex. I did the next best thing, I would check out dozens of romance books each week at the library and devour them. That was where I learned about kissing and sex with the expectation that when I met the dreamy leading man, I would feel the same way. Unfortunately, in reality, your first kiss or first sexual encounter is always a big disappointment. Expectations are high that it is a perfect union of two people who love each other, in truth, the first time can be a complete failure. I don't know that many of my friends who had experienced an incredible 'first time'. Let's not get into that...I'll save the secrets for myself and when I'm a big time author, I can tell you all about it in my autobiography! LOL

Anyways, when I started to embrace my body and was educated about sex through older friends...I blossomed from within. I was able to hear the truth without anyone sugar coating it and I was able to discover my own sensuality through the acceptance of myself regardless of how others perceived me. Being Asian American and having no one to discuss these sensitive topics was frustrating. I was labeled the 'promiscuous one' even if it wasn't true and I had to endure so much because this closed society was too scared to acknowledge that desire, sensuality, and sex was not wrong or sinful. We've come a long way and I'm starting to discover the new generation embraces my writing. That erotic romance is acceptable and that sex isn't as taboo as when I was growing up. I'm very straight forward when it comes to openly discussing sex with my nieces and nephews if they have no one to talk to. I educate them about everything from disease to understanding their own curiosities. I would much rather they understand these things than to go through what I had to. In knowing the facts, a person is better able to handle a sexual relationship. Writing sex for me is not about making it gratuitous to sell books. I use the details as a way to bring two people together who are attracted to each other mentally and physically. It's important that all my books are written in a way that is as visual and sensual as the artist's painting (as seen above). Sex can be a beautiful thing and when you are able to open yourself to the magic of the intimate act, it paints a whole new picture to the individual and their relationship.

I hope that those who have been told that desire, sex, and sexuality is sinful will not close themselves off. The truth is in understanding and learning. The truth is in being an adult about it and responsibly acting upon what is right, when the time is right...the truth is indulging with the right person who respects and feels the same away about you...there's really no rush because there's a lifetime of exploration ahead of you.

6 Responses to "Blossoming from within..."

Dara Edmondson Says :
12:56 PM

Good post. I also learned about sex from romance novels I read in junior high. My family wasn't very sexually repressive, but I was still a babe in the woods until my late teens.

jax Says :
1:48 PM

I guess reading romance was a great substitute for text books because it really made me think about the importance of a kiss!

Eva Gale Says :
9:44 PM

Good Lord, who flipped the philosophical switch! Excellent post!

jax Says :
7:18 AM

I had to emulate you! You're the philosophical one! LOL

Louisa Edwards Says :
8:14 AM

I love this post! Very eloquent and beautiful defense of natural, human desire and its fulfillment.

Also, and perhaps more importantly, what soaps did you watch? And are you still watching? I just got back into General Hospital and I'm dying to talk about it with someone...

jax Says :
11:22 AM

General Hospital and Days of Our Lives was my mother's favorites! She still watches them these days. All the girls are hooked. However, I had to kick the addiction a few years ago because I felt like writing the episodes for GH! Why the hell can't they get Jason and Elizabeth together. AND, I'm sick of the stupid drug dealing storyline...I don't watch soaps for years and when I tune back in, we're still in the same scenerio with different people!

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