Jax's Artistic Journey...

It's been a long time since I've done self portraits of myself. I've been thinking about building up my lens arsenal ever since I got rid of my Canon and all it's lenses years ago. :( That's thousands and thousands worth of equipment I walked away from when I hung up my photography hat. Some stupid things you can't make up--but it's in the knowing and admitting that you have an impulsive streak that counts. The first time I held a camera was when I was nine years old. My brothers are avid photographers and I was always drawn to their cameras. Those days there were no digital cameras where you could see your shots instantly. We had to bring the rolls of film to process or we processed them ourselves. Oh, I miss the smell of the darkroom--sharp, pungent, acidic and vinegar...it fills your nostrils, your lungs and you become accustomed to it. Processing your own black and whites took time, patience. You had to love the steps, the wait, the accuracy of developing just perfect. My favorite part was watching the images slowly come into focus like a blossoming bud. My stomach would flutter, my heart would sing because you never knew exactly if the image would come out like what you viewed from the tiny negative. It was like the faces, places, and abstracts came to life in the palm of your hands. These days, darkrooms are practically non-existent. Just like the Polaroids and we can't do much to stop change.

As I was thinking of what I've seen in the past thirty-eight years of my life, I realized that I've come a long way as a person. I never would have thought I'd write romance. My passion was for journalism and news reporting. Back then, I dreamed of being the next Connie Chung. But in the blink of an eye, I took a different direction but never abandoned my writing. Truthfully, I was born to create love stories. I've always had visions of happy endings. I even knew that my journey as an artist was going to be a difficult one but it didn't stop me from trying. So, these past few weeks I've had time to think and to explore who I am. I needed to know that I wasn't afraid to fight for what I wanted. I needed to close off everyone's opinions--good or bad--and focus on my work. What do I want to write? What do I want to accomplish? What do I want to achieve this year, next year, in five years? I had to taste this dream and then I would have to chase it to the very end because if I take one second to fear...I might not reach that place I had always fought so hard to arrive...

Self Portraits are a good evaluation of yourself, your soul, your wants, your needs. Go explore...