Jax's Artistic Journey...

Seems like another lifetime where creativity and inspiration just sprung from the ground with every step I took. These days it's as if the focus has shifted and I can't seem to grasp one solid sentence that makes sense. I've turned my attentions to cooking, art, music, and fashion...but deep in the back of my subconscious, there's a voice nagging at me to get anything written. No—it's not writer's block. I've said it often enough I don't believe in it...I think it's a matter of hitting a brick wall and figuring out the best way get plow through it, or jump over the hurdle.

For me, I've got a lot going on inside my head and it seems like it's getting more crowded by the day. Can't seem to shut off the feeling that someone snuffed out this candle of wonderment and enthusiasm. Okay, it's really not that drastic. I'm just trying to figure out who I want to be as a writer. I'm still shaping my career and I believe it's the self-doubt that's killing my writer's buzz. Sounds stupid, but it's one of those things that I need to figure out soon! I mean—I've found my 'voice' as a writer...I just need to convey it in two different languages...one for the mass market and one for me on a personal level. Maybe this new project is tapping into a deeper, darker side that I'm not too sure of. Maybe it's not tapping into the right place at all and it's causing confusion. So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I've stepped back for a few days and let all these ideas simmer. It's harder to prepare a plan of action when I'm the type of person who likes to do three things at once. I know, lack of focus has been my personal weakness for a long time...at least I can admit it.

Okay, so I figured I'll be gone for most of September and wifi will be spotty where I'm going. That's probably why I haven't been too hard on myself about the writing schedule. I know that during my absence I'll have a heck of a lot of writing time. If I can't come out of this with at least 2 proposals and a novella, I'm just in bad shape. As a motivation...and reward, I'll have to do something extraordinarily special—well, at least Mr. Right is going to do something amazing for my birthday when I return from my trip. I think that maybe I will come out of the blahs in time to prove to the publishing industry that it's "game on"!