Jax's Artistic Journey...

Everyone knows I have a weakness for wine. I can't help but love the stuff. About 7 months ago my girlfriend took me to this really cool wine bar called Bodega. CHICAGO introduced me to Luscious Lips...jeez, the name says it all. Time passed and I missed that bottle so much I had to figure out where to get it. Tah-dah...I found an online store that carries this drug-o-licious red wine! CHICAGO is going to order a couple of bottles tonight for our festivities. I should be cleaning out my desk right now, but I'll be a procrastinator until tomorrow....

15 minutes until I split this joint for some mix and mingling. I'm more excited I have one day left of my 'grown up job'...I am totally not going to enjoy my exit interview. At least I know they are giving me an open door to return if I decide I miss LA too much and want to come back. It's still nice to know I will have job security if the need arises. Life is good. I'm happy and I am ready to start my life as an author. I know my friends are photo happy, I just hope they don't get any pics of me kicking off my shoes and dancing on the table..oh wait, that's tomorrow night!

I never thought I'd fall in love with this city, but I did.

Counting down...4 days of binge drinking. The girls and I are going downstairs for some bonding and while we're at it, we're going to discuss the same thing every drunk women in America talk about....wouldn't you like to know. I'm just trying to build up my tolerance so I can handle Friday's going away party the office is throwing me. Boy, I'm gonna be in trouble.

My girlfriend, BITTER BABE, wanted to document the 52 hours I have left at the company. This is me and TECH GIRL, sad to see me go.

This is us at our favorite Chinese restaurant. It's cheap and GOOD! We always have a blast, even if she doesn't know how to pour tea out of the damn teapot!!

I opened my eyes to darkness and the sound of the rain beating against my window. I've always loved the rhythm it makes and how comforting it can be, like the ocean waves or a flowing stream. I just buried myself underneath the warmth of the comforter, snuggling closer, debating whether to to get out of bed. In these morning hours I think of silly things, chore lists, work load and then I realize I'm wasting time just thinking. I closed my eyes and I'm too wound up to take advantage of the few hours I still have before I am supposed to wake up. It's funny how easy it's starting to feel waking up alone. Sometimes I missed the warmth of another body next to me, but each day that passes it gets easier to forget how it feels...It was lonely in the beginning but now I see the positive side of things. I can roll around in the middle of the night without kicking someone when I have bad dreams. I can get up when I can't fall asleep and make tea or sing offkey without offending anyone. I can play loud music and turn on the tv at the same time. I can do so many things because there is no one there to disturb. Maybe I should wash the dishes more often, take out the trash, do laundry, but it's all up to my own pace. Sometimes the silence fills my hours and everything comes back to me. I learn to adjust to the silence and I learn to find ways to keep busy so that I no longer need to think about those things that makes me melancholy....I sit up and listen to the rain a while and finally decide to get up and make some coffee.

I've spent two days editing my manuscript. One full day with my preliminaries and then my editor sent me her version, in which I had to re-read and make additional edits. My eyes hurt from hours of reading. I think I won't be able to read my story again for a long while. Don't get me wrong, I love my story. It's actually quite beautiful and sad like the up and down melody of a love song. The characters are very strong and I feel it's a great love story. I'm proud of this piece and I hope the readers will too.

I think what makes me feel great about my story is that I had a beta reader and the feedback I had made me all warm and fuzzy. It's good to hear compliments. It builds the self esteem when someone can appreciate what I'm writing. To enjoy what I've created and to give me the momentum I need to push on through the next project. Thank you so much! I truly appreciate the honesty and your time in reading it over for me. You know who you are.

Now I get to start working on my single title. I'm wondering if I have the energy. I did watch a movie on tv while I worked and it was the saddest love story ever! Boy did it piss me off. I hate movies you invest so much time on and then the main character dies!!! WTF, I was depressed the rest of the time while I was editing. Thank goodness for my sweet bottle of wine to keep me from writing to the screenwriter and bitching her out. No wonder I write romance, at least I'm guaranteed my happy ending!

I'm waiting for my laundry. I really hate doing it, but the best part of this horrendous chore is when I can pull the nicely HOT towel and rubbing my face against it. There's something about the smell of detergent and fabric softener that's so sensual. Maybe I'm a dork but man, I love that part of laundry. I have fantasies of throwing it on the bed and rolling around on it naked because it would keep me nice and warm. Like a lovers caress...I know, I know what you're thinking. Is that considered a fetish? I hope not. I would assume when I have a fetish it would be a freakin' amazing one. Hummm, I better go pull my laundry out... **wicked laughter**

LA has been raining cats and dogs lately. This freaky cold weather mixed with rain is not a good combination when it comes to open-toed shoes. I must admit, I'm a bit odd. I can wear open-toed shoes year round. In fact, I often do. Alright, alright. I do own a total of 4 pairs of close-toed shoes which includes: 2 - tennis shoes, 1 - UGGS, 1 - black furry boots. Aren't you proud! Today I am going to a birthday bash after work and decided to wear my vinyl strappy high heels with my booty hugging italian jeans and a black stretch corset. To kick it up a notch, I decided to paint my nails at 4:30 AM. Let me tell you, I suck at painting nails so early and without any coffee in my system! My friends will tell you I NEED MY COFFEE. I'm a caffeine junkie, what can I say...

I love the rain...okay, I love it more when I'm indoors and sipping my cabernet, maybe curled up to a book. Maybe curled up in someone's arms...hummmmm. Well, I drove home yesterday and at the intersection off the freeway, I looked over at my 24-hour drycleaners and caught a glimpse of their marquee. They always have the most clever quotes! This month's was brilliant! It read, "Life isn't about how to survive the storm but how to dance in the rain." How true they are. It made me think of that painting by Jack Vettriano, The Singing Butler. What a beautiful and romantic image....The image is so haunting and passionate. When I think of being romanced, I think of this scenario and all these romantic comedies that have successfully done a dance scene in the rain.. what comes to mind? A GOOD YEAR. It was such a sweet movie and didn't do well in the theatres. Okay, I really loved it for the european countryside and vineyards, the seductive cinematography, especially whenever they showed the intimate dinner parties..intimacy of many scenes. Okay, I'm one of the few that loved FRENCH KISS, but again, there is so much beautiful scenery...makes me miss Europe. Miss those feelings it invokes of standing in the Jardin des Tuileries, miss those walks along the Parc du Champ de Mars that lead to the Eiffel Tower...winter often reminds me of the lights that illuminate and the peacefulness of my stroll. The smell of bakeries in the morning and the quiet stirrings of romance that flows through your veins...makes you feel alive.

I have to be up by 5:00 AM every morning in order to get ready for my commute. It's not as if I work that far away, but in LA traffic you just have to learn to maneuver your way from the 134 to the 101 to the 405 and pray you get to work in an hour and a half. My office is about five minutes from the beautiful beaches of Santa Monica. Fifteen from Venice Beach and twenty from Manhattan Beach. I can't complain because it is a really interesting and buzzing area. All the bars and restaurants are great and if you have a date it can be pretty romantic to walk the 3rd Street Promenade or the Boardwalk and watch the sun set.

As I was driving through the residue of last night's storm, I realized how beautiful everything looks after the rain. The tinge of grays and blues and sprinkles of green is breathtakingly beautiful. It's hard not to fall in love with the emotions these colors evoke. At first glance I thought this was going to be a gloomy day, but as I took in my surroundings in its entirety I realized that these moments are often missed by those who are too busy to stop and see the true beauty of their surroundings. I'm glad I took the time to enjoy my commute instead of letting the daily stresses take hold. There's plenty of time for work, but moments like these pass swiftly by if we don't open ourselves to it.

Does anyone really read my blog or am I writing for my own enjoyment? Have I asked this question before? I forget. Senility is setting in.... LOL

Well, I know I have lurkers. You know who you are. I know that I ramble a lot and I often don't make sense so no one wants to respond. I don't focus on any particular topics nor do I know how to educate anyone on anthing. I am not an authority on anything specific so you'll just have to deal with what I post and like it! :D

Okay, back to rambling.

I don't watch tv much but the past two weeks I've tried to catch AI. Okay, it is the same thing every year and these bad singers grate on the nerves. If I want to hear bad singing all I have to do is open my mouth. When the Universe handed gifts, that one was given to my sister and I got the bad end of the stick. So I'm gonna watch the show when the competition really begins. Besides, I find tv cutting into my valuable time when I could be writing or doing other work or sleeping. No, I never really knew that terminology 'sleep' until I got back from the holidays with the plague.

I ate too much at lunch. I'm going to go on a diet! I'm ready for a nap. I hate my workmates because they forced me to over eat, so maybe it's good I'm leaving the company because I must have gained 10 lbs working here! BUT I LOVE YOU ALL, really, I do! :P

Song: ALL THE WORDS
Artist: Kutless

How do I speak of the indescribable to You
I will try to explain these feelings that are true
So looking to the sky I will sing and from my heart to You I bring

All of the words in all of my life that could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide so I lift up my hands and I worship
I worship You

In your presence I forever choose to live
I will praise You for it's all I have to give
So looking to the sky I will sing and from my heart to You I bring

All of the words in all of my life that could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide so I lift up my hands and I worship

By Your grace You let me come talk to You
It's not that I'm worthy I thank you Jesus
For the love that You have shown

All of the words in all of my life that could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide so I lift up my hands and I worship

With all of the words in all of my life that could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide so I lift up my hands and I worship
I worship You

I met a new friend in the blogosphere and HE made me think about past conversations. Not long ago my girlfriends and I started a discussion about....you got it, MEN! After a few glasses of wine, lowered inhibitions, and a potty mouth (not too much later), we always return to the topic of sex. I'm lucky. We're a F-U-N bunch. My girls are equivalent to Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte, but on the West Coast. I'm not kidding. Of course, they compare me to Samantha and I'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult. I'd like to believe I'm a combination of Carrie and Samantha... Okay, where were we? The topic of ahem, lovers, came up during this particular drunken binge. Bad ones, good ones, knock your socks off and pass me the bourbon ones...and then the ones that are sooooo bad you just have to push them off you and make an excuse to leave. "Ummm, it's laundry day and I think I left it in the washer."

Sadly, I've known them all.

Can I say that in my lifetime I have known only a handful of lovers that can go down in my journal as A REAL KEEPER. Hell, I even recommended them to write a HOW TO book for those poors saps who are horrid performers! Sorry, guys, you know who you are.

Oh yea... What constitutes a good lover? Let's see...A man who takes the time to know what a woman really wants and not afraid to ask or try new things. If you don't know what you're doing, at least act like you do and make it work. Nine out of ten times an attentive lover discovers a way to do it right. :) -- Most women might want the hot, torrid, rough sex but the bottom line is what they really want is to be held and cherished afterward. A good lover will take his time. These little details makes us feel beautiful, wanted, warm and fuzzy....

The real truth...Passion does exist and I've had it. It may wane, but it never fades and if you'd tasted passion, you will know that you can't make it happen. Either it comes naturally or you can try to make it happen, but I don't guarantee passion can be created if it was never there to begin with. It took me some time to believe this fact... but there exists men out there who can really make your knees weak with a kiss, your heart skip every time you look into his eyes, your hands sweaty when he holds you in his arms and tells you how happy he is to have you in his life....

People are dropping like flies around me. Okay, maybe I came back with brochitis and a bad bout of the flu Christmastime, but this is ridiculous. In the past 4 weeks about a dozen of my friends have been SICK!!!! Now my co-worker may be catching something and I'm about ready to get a face mask. I do not need to get sick again. Come to think of it, I'm not feeling too hot today..so I'm going to OD on over the counter cold and flu meds this week. I'll add an extra dose of Emergen-C to my list. Yikes!

I am going through this weird transitional phase where I wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks...even less sleep than I normally get. I think subconsciously I'm afraid to move. Not that I'm not excited, it's because my whole world will change and I worry that it will not turn out the way I want it to. I've tried living in Orlando before after a 15 year absence and it was a horrendous experience. This time around I refuse for a repeat and I plan on getting my sh** together. Main objective is to buy a house..my very own house to decorate and do as I want. Ownership is an exciting thing and so I am looking forward to that aspect of the move. I know that I'll feel better once I am all packed up. Thinking of the tasks can be overwhelming. Thank goodness for my wine stash..but I'm getting low..so better stock up for the great big move!

Spice Brief..I wrote 9 pages!!!! About 21 more pages to go. Yep, it's gonna be short but SPICY! LOL

Title: As Lovers Go
Artist: Dashboard Confessional

She said "I've gotta be honest,
You're wasting your time if you're fishing round here."
And I said "you must be mistaken,
I'm not fooling... this feeling is real"
She said "you gotta be crazy,
What do you take me for? Some kind of easy mark?
"You've got wits, you've got looks,
You've got passion, but I swear that you've got me all wrong."

All wrong.
All wrong.
But you got me...

I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be cavalier...I'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you...
If you'll just let me through.
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting?

And I said "I've gotta be honest
I've been waiting for you all my life."
For so long I thought I was asylum bound,
But just seeing you makes me think twice.
And being with you here makes me sane,
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.
You've got wits... you've got looks,
You've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?

Tonight.
Tonight.
But you've got me...

I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be cavalier...I'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you...
If you'll just let me through.
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?

My buddies want me to go to Happy Hour after work. I think I will do so since it has been a long and busy week with heavy workload. You would think they'd cut a girl some slack for quitting but it appears they are piling it on...well, I could refuse, but being the nice person that I am, I keep working. What's nice is that I can just walk downstairs and hang out at the bar. Some days I'm tempted to drink at lunch...okay, so I have done that in the past, but since I have a high tolerance for alcohol, you'd never know that I was buzzing. :) The wonders of genetics...

Okay, I've got a long writing session this Saturday and Sunday is my chapter meeting. The last one for me at LARA, sniff sniff, unless I fly in to be a speaker for them. That's always fun to do. I've already have to start thinking of promo-ing myself. It's one of those things that will help get my name out there now that I am re-inventing myself. I'll think about that another day...

I've been working on this HQ Spice Brief in hopes of sending it out soon. It's actually pretty good so far and I feel like my writing is only getting better. I have so much to do and I'm think I will treat myself to something soon...don't know what I want yet.. SPA is always good! LOL

I feel lazy. I need to get on a diet. I'm too busy to write and have low energy. With all that aside, I'm in pretty good spirits. Things are definitely coming into perspective and I've got GOALS to meet.

Sometimes being popular at work can be a bad thing. Everyone wants me to go out! What do I do, I throw out the "I've got deadlines" routine and still wind up getting at least one drink in! Oh well. I am guilty of watching American Idol, Season 7. I really hate this part of the competition but I cannot seem to press the channel button so I am subjected to two hours of bad singers. If I wanted to hear bad singing I just have to sing outloud! I was just thinking that it was 45 degrees this morning and I am ready for summer. It's so nice to not have to worry about boots, socks, sweater...not that I wear any of those things. I think I own 2 pairs of socks. I have no winter shoes so I wear open-toed shoes year round. I'm a freak. It's the lazy part of me. Don't get me wrong, on casual Fridays I put on those eskimo boots or UGGS. Other than that I'm more about how fast I can slip on my shoes to run out the door. That reminds me, I need to alter several of my slacks but since I am quitting my corporate job I may not have a need to get them hemmed!

I'm thinking about crawling under the covers and keeping warm while I watch tv tonight. I wonder if I can get away with not working. Some days I feel like I should be able to but then I look at my computer and know that I have work. What is a person to do? Anyways, I think I will try to compromise. I've also gotten a lead on selling my furniture to a friend of mine at work. Woohoo! I'll see if I can sell other things. YAY! This will start getting easier to pack as I'll be shipping everything so I will have hardly anything to take with me. I love light moving but the fun will begin when I have to shred 7 years of paperwork!!!! I cringe at the thought of tax season....

When it comes to writing..music plays an important part of my life. I'm sure you all know that. I think everyday I have a soundtrack and whatever I do I hear it in my head. Maybe I'm just schizo! Nothing new. One thing my friends know about me is that I love slow, romantic, angst music...Can't help it. I have to get in the groove and it sets the mood for love and drama in my stories. I'm sure the type of music you may or may not have heard...what's the latest I'm listening to?

Be Good Or Be Gone - Fionn Regan
Crime - Damien Rice
Nothing Left To Lose - Mat Kearney
Lazarus - Porcupine Tree
Brighter Than The Sun - Aqualung
She's The One - Robbie Williams
Currents - Dashboard Confessionals
Out of My Head - Fastball

Have you heard of these? You should, they are soft and melodic. I'm a girl, what can I say... Truth is, I was a music manager and it's something I had a real knack for. I got to work with producers from the Miami Sound Machine and Cool & The Gang...it wasn't the big times, but they were both brilliant producers and I wrote a few of the lyrics for the tracks on my client's cds...Didn't think I had it in me, eh? I like to throw in curveballs.

Onto the next topic. I like my girlz...they are a fun bunch and I'll miss them when I move. It's one of those things where we can haul our butts down to Daily Grill after hours for happy hour and cheap...I mean CHEAP...eats. I get sashimi tuna, creole shrimps, chicken pot pie, artichoke dip, etc... for like $3 an order!!!! I know! It's all about the food. We go on excursions together as a group and it's a riot. I am almost completely off antibiotics now and bronchitis coughs have subsided considerably! Don't blame me if you got sick! I am not CONTAGIOUS! :)

Can I say 14 days and counting until I am out of my 'grown up job'! I am beaming. Too lazy to do my projects but I swear they've given me more work!!! Now I will need a spa day!

The G-Crew. Out for a drink to relieve stress from a busy work week. I played two rounds of pool with my buddy, ARCHITECT, and totally kicked a**! Catch a glimpse of my curls...hair was pseudo cooperating with me that night!

Title: Love Will Come Through
Artist: Travis

If I told you a secret
You won't tell a soul
Will you hold it and
Keep it alive
Cause it's burning a hole
And I can't get to sleep
And I can't live alone
In this life
So look up, take it away
Don't look da-da-da-down
The mountain
If the world isn't turning
Your heart won't return
Anyone, anything, anyhow
So take me, don't leave me
Take me, don't leave me
Baby, love will come through
It's just waiting for you
And you stand at the crossroads
Of highroads and lowroads
And I've got a feeling
It's right
If it's real what I'm feeling
There's no make believing
The sound of the wings
Of the flight
Of a dove, take it away
Don't look da-da-da-down
The mountain
If the world isn't turning
Your heart won't return
Anyone, anything, anyhow
So take me, don't leave me
Take me, don't leave me
Baby, love will come through
It's just waiting for you
Oh, look up, take it away
Don't look da-da-da-down
If the world isn't turning
Your heart won't return
Anyone, anything, anyhow
So take me, don't leave me
Take me, don't leave me
Baby, love will come through
It's just waiting for you
Love will come through
Love will come through
Love will come through

I spent the weekend basically with minimal sleep... I've had to pull together some work fast and turn it in by Monday AM, but needless to say I still didn't finish. :( But I did make a concertive effort. Sometimes the creativity evaporates and you're zapped of energy. Hence, where my state of mind was. I didn't get to bed until the wee hours of the morning. Even then it was not a peaceful sleep. I've got deadlines...and I'm starting to have those panic attacks again about moving. All I could think of is this song by Placebo in my head...

Title: Running Up That Hill
Artist(Band):Placebo

It doesn't hurt me.
You want to feel, how it feels?
You want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
You want to hear about the deal I'm making.
You, (If I only could, be running up that hill)
You and me (If I only could, be running up that hill)

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
Get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
If I only could

You don't want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.
There's a thunder in our hearts, baby

So much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?
You, (If I only could, be running up that hill)
You and me (If I only could, be running up that hill)
You and me, won't be unhappy

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
If I only could

Come on, baby, come on, come on, darling,
Let me steal this moment from you now.
Come on angel, come on, come on, darling,
Let's exchange the experience

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems.

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems.

If I only could, be running up that hill...

Cheers! Preparing for the 3 hour seminar....

Two out of three trouble makers

Clueless Crew

Three silly girls

Post seminar drinks

Deviled Eggs

The Best damn Clams submerged in garlic butter sauce!

Chinese Chicken Lettuce Wrap

How do I get myself into these things? My workmates are dragging me to a seminar on the topic of MEN! For the love of...!!!! Well, this is what the introductory seminar boasts...

Making Sense of Men™
In only three hours, you could unlock the door to an entirely new way of relating to men. And, we’ll hand you the key for free!

Are you ever frustrated by men?

Are you ever confused by men?

Do you have trouble with “mixed messages?”

Making Sense of Men is for women who want to understand men better. Women of all ages, who are in a relationship or want a relationship, will see the source of the changes and fluctuations in men’s behavior.

An expert in understanding men will teach you:

Unsuspected ways that men are responding to you. When you know what they are responding to, you can create the response you want!

Why relationships can start out great… You’re confident and expressive, he adores you, you’re having a great time… And then it assumes a downward spiral, inevitably leading to a dramatic crash and burn. Why does this happen? How do you stop it? How do you turn it around?

How to tell when a man is attracted to you in the most important ways. When does he have feelings for you? What does he do? What do you need to do to fan the fire?

Discover the qualities in you that attract men, and learn how to use them to your best advantage.

Men are attracted to women – no news there. But, did you know there are two types of attraction? One type will have a man want to cherish you, adore you, and take care of you. The other type of attraction will have him thinking only of how to get you into bed. In Making Sense of Men you’ll discover that women are the source of both types of attraction.

Learn how to listen for the words that a man says when he cares about you.

In Making Sense of Men you’ll learn that, while men and women might use the same words, the meaning they give to those words can be very different. Phrases that women speak casually can have deep and significant meaning when spoken by a man. Misunderstand the communication and you could miss a critical signal that indicates a shift in your relationship.

You’ll be able to immediately apply everything that you learn.

Making Sense of Men is a free seminar that delivers loads of valuable information you can put to use right away. You’ll also be introduced to a sampling of the exciting and life-changing content available only in PAX’s paid workshops.

At the end of the evening, you’ll have the opportunity to register into Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women®, and take advantage of substantial discounts and premiums offered only to women who attend Making Sense of Men.

I'm more interested in hanging out afterwards at the bar listening to my workmates discuss the outcome...for I will be having Cranberry straight up, hold the liquor. Due to my antibiotics and other fine drugs..I cannot drink :( Oh well. The beauty is that I will probably take nothing from the seminar except a deeper desire not to want to be involved with a man!

Good times!

I've got a stack of work on my desk at home and work. I've got another stack of bills. Hummmm....I don't like to tackle either.

I think I'll try to warm up with some writing tonight in between web work. I am also trying to get through last minute edits on my novella before it goes to press. Sigh.

I'm back to listening to my girl Brandi Carlile again. With this week's rain gracing its presences on LA, I have been listening to a song that fits right into the cold, dreary, wet weather. Thankfully it stopped raining two days ago!

Don't get me wrong, I love the rain when I'm indoors. I like snuggling under the blanket and watching the tube or listening to music and trying to catch up on my naps. Sometimes it's especially fun if I could roll around with a hot stud while the rain beats against the window...but that's what authors write about! LOL -- Sometimes I just like listening to it and the rhythm is often like a caress, a storytelling which really makes me sad, nostalgic or gets me to think....not that I have much time for thinking! Well, I know Orlando will have no shortage of rain and I'm sure I'll be indoors quite a lot writing to it. I'm getting more excited about the prospect of being unemployed...That's when I look to my bills and know I should at least apply for Starbucks! LOL

Song: Downpour
Artist: Brandi Carlile
Album: The Story
Year: 2007

I'm like the rain in a downpour
I wash away what you long for
And I wave goodbye with the sun in my eyes
I wish I could be there tonight

I'm like the wind in the canyon
I'm there then I'm gone in a second
You're growing older in peace where you're at
I wish I could be there for that
But I've moved on
Like a rolling stone
In a crowded room
I'm alone

I'm like the rain in a downpour
I wash away what you long for
And I wave goodbye with the sun in my eyes
I wish I could be there tonight
Oh, oh, yeah

You're like the tide in the deep blue
Cause you're always there when I need you
And when you need someone to carry you through
I'm gonna be there for you
I'm gonna be there for you

I have BRONCHITIS! Boy, doesn't that suck.

The good news is I get drugs!!!! :) Well, the kind that will chase this bug away and knock me out until the next AM.

Don't let me get into the respirator thing they made me breathe into to clear my lungs. That was WEIRD!

I need a pedicure!

I really believe dreams are a manifestation of our fears, our happiness, our sorrows...I have been downing Nyquil for the past week and a half like it's some elixir. For the past few days I've been having strange and psychedelic dreams of people from my past, people from my present...I woke up this morning a bit concerned. Being sick and all alone I felt this weird sense of reaching out for something, with nothing there in my grasps. In the hours between sleep and waking, I realized I have a fear of being alone. Well, not the kind that means I need a roommate, but the kind that tells me that I'll never find that person. "The One". If there really is that person that exists out there for me. I'm a magnet for disaster. Don't get me wrong, I can find a date but anything beyond that is doomed for failure. No wonder I have relationship issues. I attract men who are emotionally unavailable or simply unavailable...that's a long story.

Anyways, I will have to say that even with this snippet of news, I will not let those fears compromise my life. One can say that no man = free time! :) It's true, there's a million things I'd be able to focus on without a man...career, family, philanthropy work. What else do I need? What's funny about all this is that my conglomerate of girlfriends are in my predicament at this moment. It's true! They are always in search of 'passion' and 'romance'...SHOEGIRL recounts amazingly hilarious tales of her dating adventures. Sometimes I'm rolling on the floor crying because it couldn't be true, but it is! RADIOGIRL can't seem to walk away from Maybe Boyfriend, and each week I get a taste of the 'I should leave him', 'I should give him another chance' scenarios. Then there's TOUGHGIRL who complains about how much she doesn't need a man to f*up her life and deep down she's just covering up the fact that she really wants someone just to tell her she's special. My list goes on...but the truth of the matter, single women have these same fears on a daily basis whether in love or life. Basically, I'm really not alone when you think about it. We all deal with it our own way and I just have to take this as a learning tool without getting jaded and bitter.

Where am I going? Well, for 2008 I've decided to put less emphasis on finding "Mr. Right" and more emphasis on me! My goal is to finish at least 4 novellas and 2 single titles for my publisher...then there's the infamous rewrite to do on GHOSTHUNTER. That's a good start to my writing career and by December, maybe I'll be gearing up for celebrating my accomplishments!

Even through my hacking coughs and illness relapses, I made it to see this fantastic musical WICKED! The performers were amazing, the sets were elaborate, and the musical scores are just as brilliant performed live as they are from the cd. I've been listening to this cd for a few years now and never had a chance to see it until Sunday. I'm glad it was worth the wait!

I'm taking my butt into the doctor's office tomorrow. I figured my cough has spread to an ear ache, my ribs hurt and I'm about ready to rip heads off. Just cranky as hell. Anyways, let's hope it's not pneumonia! I have found out in times of adversity and illness I am inundated with work flow. Yes, it's true. I'm getting work from everywhere. I'm trying to keep it together. Anyhow, still got the single title due at the end of February...I will not procrastinate! Right.

Okay, off to see the wizard...

I packed on a few pounds over the holidays but because of my cold I've had no appetite for a few days...so, I've lost those pounds I've packed! :)

Okay, I'm not that big to begin with but as a petite person it is easy to feel crappy when the jeans start feeling snug. My buddy Miz D. and I have decided to go on a health diet. She's got a three-page sheet on this new diet Anti-Estrogenic Diet! Doesn't sound too appealing for me and don't know if I'd follow it. I may just find one of my own to go with...all the same, this year I'm hell-bent on getting in shape. I want those 4-pack abs I used to have and planning to stick with it! Maybe I'll pick back up on yoga or Pilates.

Anyway...I am sifting through crap to destroy and give away or sell before I leave LA. Let me tell you how stressful that can be. I'm only doing a little each day but it's a little sad and a little bit of a relief...so weird. I hope I'll get finished with everything that I need to by the end of February. It seems like a long way off but I know it's going to go quickly. The years always fly after you hit 21, I tell ya!

I don't want to think about leaving LA because there are so many things I love about it....ENOUGH, time to catch up with work!

So far so good except for the blasted cold! I think it's time to clean my apartment but then I realize I'm going to have to start packing slowly. Of course, I start thinking about selling everything in my apartment before the big move to the East Coast. I'll worry about that closer to the date. Right now I am moving towards finishing ALL my deadlines this weekend which includes book covers, web updates, new website design...blah blah blah. I'm just going to drug up to get through the weekend and hope what I'm doing will make sense to my clients :)

How do I feel? Still good. I've come to terms with a lot of things and the writing journey is starting to excite me again. I had a moment where I questioned my abilities but now I'm feeling much more driven to succeed. I can smell the NY contracts and I'm ready to show the world I can do it.

Okay, now back to my 'grown up' job....not for much longer... YAY!!!!!

Not from the New Year's festivities but from a horrid cold I contracted in Orlando. I've been hacking up a lung and just got my voice back yesterday. Funny how frustrating it can be when you can't TALK...and since I'm a gabber it really sucked and when I forced myself to speak, I sound like a freakin' bullfrog.

This year is already starting off in a different footing. I feel the winds are changing and I know my life has too. Amazing how much a person learns in such a short span of time.

Out with the old and in with the new. New being a new perspective on life. We make our own destinies and as much as we'd like others to tell us what we want to hear, it is in our hands to make wise decisions and choices for our lives. In 2008 I have great plans. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll even get asked out on a date! Of course, I'm a lot pickier this time around so the lucky guy will have to be able to pass all my tests of chivalry and courage to garner a night out. LOL -- hummm, maybe I won't get a date that way...oh well. More writing time for me.

No, I refuse to make New Year's Resolutions. I initially wanted to but in past years I've failed miserably. I think this time I will just "do" and not make a list. List's are for all the things I want to accomplish and do in my lifetime. Now, that, I will make list for. I'm feeling a new energy and a renewed vigor these days. I think the best part of it all is that I will finally get to spend A LOT of time with Kristen for the next few years. She'll be happy to hear this..I hope I can tell her before she reads this on my blog.

Okay folks, I'm off to get some tea and honey.

In the immortal words of James Brown "Owwwwwww. I FEEL GOOD..."