Author: Jax Cassidy // Category:
I really believe dreams are a manifestation of our fears, our happiness, our sorrows...I have been downing Nyquil for the past week and a half like it's some elixir. For the past few days I've been having strange and psychedelic dreams of people from my past, people from my present...I woke up this morning a bit concerned. Being sick and all alone I felt this weird sense of reaching out for something, with nothing there in my grasps. In the hours between sleep and waking, I realized I have a fear of being alone. Well, not the kind that means I need a roommate, but the kind that tells me that I'll never find that person. "The One". If there really is that person that exists out there for me. I'm a magnet for disaster. Don't get me wrong, I can find a date but anything beyond that is doomed for failure. No wonder I have relationship issues. I attract men who are emotionally unavailable or simply unavailable...that's a long story.

Anyways, I will have to say that even with this snippet of news, I will not let those fears compromise my life. One can say that no man = free time! :) It's true, there's a million things I'd be able to focus on without a man...career, family, philanthropy work. What else do I need? What's funny about all this is that my conglomerate of girlfriends are in my predicament at this moment. It's true! They are always in search of 'passion' and 'romance'...SHOEGIRL recounts amazingly hilarious tales of her dating adventures. Sometimes I'm rolling on the floor crying because it couldn't be true, but it is! RADIOGIRL can't seem to walk away from Maybe Boyfriend, and each week I get a taste of the 'I should leave him', 'I should give him another chance' scenarios. Then there's TOUGHGIRL who complains about how much she doesn't need a man to f*up her life and deep down she's just covering up the fact that she really wants someone just to tell her she's special. My list goes on...but the truth of the matter, single women have these same fears on a daily basis whether in love or life. Basically, I'm really not alone when you think about it. We all deal with it our own way and I just have to take this as a learning tool without getting jaded and bitter.

Where am I going? Well, for 2008 I've decided to put less emphasis on finding "Mr. Right" and more emphasis on me! My goal is to finish at least 4 novellas and 2 single titles for my publisher...then there's the infamous rewrite to do on GHOSTHUNTER. That's a good start to my writing career and by December, maybe I'll be gearing up for celebrating my accomplishments!

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