Jax's Artistic Journey...

I've done a lot of soul searching lately. Moving really does have this weird affect on me and it puts me in a totally different zone. While I packed and sealed boxes, I thought about all the things I want to pick back up and create. I miss painting, writing screenplays, film making, going to museums, going to the beach...as I start prioritizing things in my mind, I'm setting goals for myself and what I hope to achieve, what I want to work on that will add to my life. I have always had a love of travel and luckily so does Mr. Right. As a way to focus and work toward my goals, I've decided to think smart, produce more, and make these things happen. I'm generating a checklist for my 5 year goals and I am hell-bent on a major book deal this year. It was on my pseudo 2009 resolution but now it's time to get down-'n-dirty. It's time to say 'no more ms. nice gal'--and it's time to kick some butt! I've had these dark clouds follow me for way too long and I've had enough of it. So, I've started researching, plotting, finding ways to make things happen. I'm not going to sit around and let whatever outside elements get me down, I'm going to turn the wheels that will get me to my goals faster.

I know, these are very profound thoughts for a person who is packing, but sometimes the only good time to do these things is now. I'm already gearing my mind for success and I know, come December, I will do a recap that will include contracts, stability, success, and a solid footing. It's time that I stepped up and fought back instead of allowing my insecurities to limit my progress.

Offline until next week...I'm outtie.

I've only been back in Florida six months now and already I've seen my fair share of rainy days and hurricane watch reports... now that this is actively hurricane season, there's no lack of excitement around here! As Gustav spares Florida, it's really doing a number on Louisiana...those folks aren't catching a break! :( Maybe all this is messing with my writing chi!

Right now we're monitoring Hanna to make sure she's not going to ruin our weekend but it makes me kind of miss earthquakes in LA...okay, in terms of natural distasters, I'd pass on both please..but since I'm already here, I'm thinking it's a great premise for a short story. Oh, I've already done one about hurricanes. LOL

I'm on a cleaning binge. I've decided that since this is my birthday month, I should start a new kind of resolution. Don't know what just yet...my ultimate goal is to get a great agent and a NY contract by December..hummmm, that sounds pretty darn good to me. So, after I get my office all cleaned and spotless, I'm going to tackle my deadline...once I get that over with, I will be in the right mindset to get my goals going....

Sometimes I feel like this person on a boat, rowing away from land with a fearless spirit. Rowing with all my strength without thinking of what's ahead or behind me, not caring when I should stop and turn around. I'm in the zone and I think the world is my oyster, fresh for the taking. Well, writing can have that same exhilarating effect but then when you are at your most comfortable state, you suddenly feel as if you've dropped your oars in the water and then you're just f***ed.

Lately, I've been seeing a pattern. I'm on top of the world one minute when I finish a project and ready to move toward unchartered waters, and then BAM! I discover that all my efforts has made little impact.

With the economy being so bad, everything's taking a hit. Including the publishing industry. The bar is raised, the criteria is tougher and even if you think you're a strong writer, there's always someone out there a little more skilled than you are--Okay, that sux. Seriously. It's frustrating and sometimes affect whether all this is worth pursuing further. I've seen many writer friends of mine fall in this slump where they've lost their joy of writing. Especially when a writer busts their butts trying to write the greatest novel ever written, a dozen times...It's kind of a scary moment because most of these same friends were the one who made you feel that you could conquer anything. These days, I've had a lot of time to reflect and plan out what my goals are for my writing career. I'm focusing on something pretty epic and the more I strive to reach it, the further away it seems to be...but I can almost feel it in my grasp.

Of course there are days where no amount of good reviews and praises ease the pain of what's swirling in our heads and hearts, but in the end, you just have to use a little ingenuity. Maybe jump into the water and swim back just as hard and furious as when you began your trip out.

It may not make any sense to you, but in my head, I totally understand my own rippling analogy.