Seems impossible to miss the craziness of life but when everything falls apart, one by one, like puzzles on the floor--I'm able to pick up the pieces and put them back together. I've been stumbling through each day and I didn't think I'd have the desire to put my heart into my stories again. Somehow I felt like my heart was missing. Not in the love department, but in the one that requires me to figure out if writing is what I really want to do for the rest of my life. I kind of had to feel my way through all the things I love most like a blind woman searching for answers. I've had a lot more downs than ups but yesterday I 'snapped' out of it. I've pretty much isolated myself while I worked through all these things rolling around in my head and what I see is a bright one if I could just survive this. I know I can because the sun still shines even when I'm sitting in a darkened room watching my cursor pulse on the screen.
My characters are talking to me again and they're demanding I write this thing. Funny how much I missed those voices, those images...well, if not for their liveliness, I wouldn't have a story to tell. Maybe I closed myself off because I believed that if I didn't have to deal with them I could focus on those 'responsibilities' but it's like shutting out the part of you that makes you feel alive. I guess the lesson I learned is that you can focus on both as long as you can compartmentalize--juggle all those things that matter most. I'm feeling good and I am proud I took charge of my own head for a change. 15 pages isn't a bad start and I'm hoping by Monday I'll have my proposal in good shape to send to my critiquers. I'm nervous, because when you've got National Best Sellers asking and wanting to see what you've got...it's daunting, exhilarating, amazing. I guess if I can impress them, I might just be on the right track. Yeah, I need that kick in the pants.
No, not divulging my story yet...because when I do, I'm going to show you all the bells and whistles. I've got something up my sleeve. Now to figure out what I'm going to call the series...that's rough.
Okay, hump day is now work day and I've got at least 15 pages to produce.
Woot--I'm back in the game!
