Jax's Artistic Journey...

I was given wings!!!

My co-workers and I at Broadway Elementary! :)

I'm a Faerie who will be handing out candy. I'll pick up my wings before I leave the office!

Gemma and I at my friend's party last weekend!

The Cat Burgular and the Detective

This year I get to dress up for work...literally! YAY! My conservative company is a big advocate of charities and one of the things we adopt is an elementary for various holidays. So, basically no one ever dresses up!!!! However, as a volunteer, this year I will be in costume to hand out candy to these little kids at a nearby elementary school. I'm sure they'll be much bigger than I am! Hope to have pictures to share with you because I love to see the reaction of children when they are being visited :)

Since I don't have a wide array of costumes, and most of the ones I have are too risque for these little ones, I've pulled out a oldie but goodie ... I'm not trying to to scare the kids otherwise I'd just come as myself...LOL

Have a safe and fun-filled day! BOO! Drink responsibly...ahem.

I may be hiding out for a few more days yet. I'm finishing deadlines before my editor beats me for being late... anyways, wanted to let everyone know that I won't be gone for long. Don't miss me too much.

Good writing takes a lot of work...I don't have much to say except I need a long hiatus.

I'm busy this weekend with life. Will try to be back online soon...maybe will show you pictures of me and Gemma Halliday at my friend's Halloween party Saturday evening. My only real diversion from 3 days of incarceration! We had such a wonderful time together we will not divulge all the chaos we created....LOL

Don't you dare laugh!!!!

Class of 2007 Skydiving Team...

I celebrated my girl friend's pre-birthday Thursday and we were discussing life, divorce, dating.. It seems like we've both came to the same conclusion as divorcees... men can be stupid. LOL

Well, let me explain. We're both not so bad on the eyes (she's blond/blue eyes/girl next door), ambitious, smart, funny, interesting women yet we cannot meet a man we connect with that will actually "see" us as we are. I guess that doesn't make sense to you, but it did to us after two glasses of wine... anyways, my point is that we meet men who find us attractive enough, but I fear these days men are intimidated by our aggressive career goals and independence. I won't lie, I've dated a few guys who would be perfect for what I'm looking for in a relationship, but they are either 'emotionally unavailable', 'trying to figure out their lives', or 'conflicted'. It makes us wonder why we would bother dating.

Ms. Chicago (aka Lush) and I are both in our mid-thirties, we feel that we are at a point where we know what we want. Maybe the men we're meeting aren't marriage material..but we're not talking marriage. We're talking just finding a kind of stable relationship that comes with learning, laughing, and maybe falling in love. Is it so hard for men to allow themselves to open up and give us a try? I find that this conversation isn't exclusive to myself and Chicago...I've talked to many many friends who are newly out of a relationship or divorced and they tell me the same thing! Dating is starting to seem overrated....

Where have all the good men gone?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHICAGO!!!!!!!!

People often ask me why I would waste my time on charities when my life is already overflowing with work. My philosophy is to help as much as possible because one person does make a difference. I have always loved community, family, and helping others. It's instilled within me at a young age and as I developed into the woman I am today, I feel like I must do more. I have the power to make change and even though I'm no celebrity, I believe that if every person did one good deed, it counts toward the whole scheme of things. I may be crazy, but I think about the future. I think about my nieces and nephews, unborn children in this world, children other than mine (if I were to have any)...and it saddens me that we aren't taking more of an active stance to improve our conditions. I know that long after I am gone from this planet, I can feel good that I made an effort for change.

I'm very pleased that more and more companies are going GREEN. My company is a big proponent of Sustainability and the Environment. They are actively making steps to support those things that will protect our world. We're moving to solar panels, environmental friendly products, conserving, reducing, thinking, caring. I can be proud of their efforts even at such a slow pace but someday we will TOGETHER make change.

A good friend of mine handed me this book. I wasn't sure if I needed to read self-help books, but maybe I'm showing signs of a nervous breakdown. LOL

I'm on chapter five and although I don't have much time to eat, sleep or breathe these days...I've made the time to read this. It can't hurt, right? The author re-confirmed many things I have already actively done in my life..but it's still a good read and I recommend this book to those who can't overcome their fears. You just have to have an open mind while reading and it will all make sense.

I just made my goal for Heifer International... a Superagent I know :) was gracious enough to give me a rather large amount to meet my $500 goal!!!! Her kindness and generosity warmed my heart! Here's a shot out to her with much love attached!

What do I have for this week? Still writing my butt off and just focusing on ME! What is in store for me next week? Training for my half marathon in December to help the City of Hope charity! I think my legs are going to be tired!

I have a new project at work and since I was away on Jury Duty Friday...I came back to a flat panel monitor and a snazzy computer! Yay! I'm not going to be squinting anymore. It's kind of intimidating, yet makes me want to go purchase my own flat panel! I will have to say I was sweating it on Friday since some of the cases varied from 4 days to 20 days! YIKES! No way could I sit through something that long...

I met some cool women and even have gotten them to buy my books :) LOL

Saturday I was out watching the Rembrandt's...famed one hit wonder of "I'll be there for you", FRIENDS theme...they were fantastic! Super nice guys. I didn't bother them with taking a photo, but there will be next time I'm sure. I discovered some hidden talents as 4 acts played before them. This 22 year old prodigy ALFA GARCIA was amazing! Her voice was reminiscent of Kate Melua and her musical talents reminded me of Norah Jones/Vanessa Carlton..accomplished pianist and guitarist. I was so impressed! Even bought her CD. Of course, my friend's band CHIME was as wonderful as ever...! I can say even with all the Cosmopolitans and beers I consumed..I thoroughly enjoyed the music! I love concerts!

Well, Sunday was my booksigning at B&N, although my books didn't arrive, I did sell out the books I had on hand, even had pre-sales from others! It was a good day...!

What do I have planned this week? You guessed it, my mind is clear to bust butt and turn in my manuscript. No if's, and's or butt's about it... I may be off line for a few days.

The real excitement...jumping out of a plane next Saturday!!!!!!!

WTF... I'm still pissed off about it. Not that I don't want to serve my term...but for goodness sakes', I had sailed through the week without any problems and now they want me??? Excuse me, I do have a life... :( Now I have to wake up even earlier than usual to get there on time....

I'm going to meditate after I get another drink in me!

There or days where I actually feel like I've run out of things to talk about...but then I realize I have a million things to talk about, just don't know if I want to broadcast it to a billion people on the worldwide web.

What topics have I covered that are interesting and may continue to draw in a readership without them thinking I'm a crazed lunatic?

1. dysfunctional dating scenerios
2. drunken debauchery acts
3. celebrity flirting
4. embarrassing stories of my making an ass of myself
5. insomniac runs at 2 AM for, God forbid, Mickey D's
6. channel surfing, food network, and show marathons
7. writing techniques and thoughts
8. daredevil and charity ways
9. gossip
10. strange encounters and bad pick up lines

Okay, I'm at a loss.. I figured my life is so boring no one would want to read on. But I do have a MySpace account! I don't blog on it, but I put up lots of pics. I have a few thousand more but who has time to put them up. I'm going to look into Flickr or something like that...

What am I doing this weekend? I'm going to a freakin' REMBRANDT's concert!! Woohoo! I plan on having loads of fun at the casino and drinking my friends under the table. Then I'll get to meet them after the concert as my friends from CHIME are opening for them.. YAY! Then will wake up Sunday with a massive hangover and head to my chapter meeting for some real fun. Yep, it's the day I do my book signing. Trouble is, I think my books might not make it to me on time. :( Which means I'll have 3 copies available and a bunch of postcards and magnets to sign. I can't believe it! Oh well, if the Universe thinks I should get it, I will... back to other news.

I am starting up my marathon training for December. Come Monday I'm going to be training hard and hopefully be fit enough to make it to the finish line. Wish me luck...that reminds me..I'm jumping out of a freakin' plane OCTOBER 20th at 10:00AM....!!!!

I got on this horoscope mailing list and as much as I don't believe what I read on a daily basis, a part of me can't help reading on. It's a weird obsessive thing and kinda fun.

Got to bed at 3:30AM and the world seems a clearer place. I've not been so successful with getting back into the meditative frame of mind. But now am making a concertive effort as I am tired of allowing anger to rule me. I think I'm going to to start listing my priorities. Sometimes it is better to regroup. I've been saying that a lot lately, but I'm actually doing it. I reached my max and now it's time to take action.

Yawn...I need another espresso.

Barely.

Lots on the mind and lots to do.

Have you ever had a good thing happen to you and then three bad things follow? Yep, that's the story of my life...so how do you deal with it when this is a constant factor?

I figured one day I'll wake up and all this hard work would be worth it.... then there are days where I wonder if it's simpler not to be an overachiever. Just think, live life modestly. Have attainable goals that doesn't require a lot of dealings with assholes. I feel like packing up, renting a villa in some obscure part of Italy, and living a life of pure isolation and seclusion. Sometimes you can't help but want that.

For now...you just grin and bear it. :)

I am writing. I am writing. I cannot go out except to the grocery store. I cannot take a break. I cannot watch tv. I cannot binge drink and socialize this week. I cannot talk on the telephone. I must make deadline. I must meet Monday's deadline...

So, I tell myself....

Now where's the damn wine opener?

I'm starting to dig THE BOSS... there's a song on his new album I like and it makes me feel like I have a long walk home....LOL

PS. Don't forget to show up for my book signing:

BARNES & NOBLE
16461 Ventura Boulevard
Encino, CA 91436
(Ventura Blvd & Hayvenhurst)

Date: Sunday, October 14
Time: 12:00 to 2:00pm
Meet your favorite authors including:
Eden Bradley, Leigh Court, Sarah Dale, Cheryl Holt, Carolyn Hughey, Linda O. Johnston, Jax Cassidy, Harley Jane Kozak, Kaitlin O’Riley, Brenda Scott Royce, and Kate Willoughby

Help support the Los Angeles chapter of Romance Writers of America!


LONG WALK HOME©Artist: Bruce Springsteen

Last night I stood at your doorstep
Trying to figure out what went wrong
You just slipped somethin' into my palm, then you were gone
I could smell the same deep green of summer
Above me the same night sky was glowin'
In the distance I could see the town where I was born

It's gonna be a long walk home
Hey pretty darling, don't wait up for me
Gonna be a long walk home
A long walk home

In town I passed Sal's grocery
The barbershop on South Street
I looked in their faces*
They were all rank strangers to me*
The veteran's hall high upon the hill
Stood silent and alone
The diner was shuttered and boarded
With a sign that just said "gone"

It's gonna be a long walk home
Hey pretty darling, don't wait up for me
Gonna be a long walk home
Hey pretty darling, don't wait up for me
Gonna be a long walk home
It's gonna be a long walk home

[Guitar break]
[Sax break]

Here everybody has a neighbor
Everybody has a friend
Everybody has a reason to begin again

My father said "Son, we're lucky in this town,
It's a beautiful place to be born.
It just wraps its arms around you,
Nobody crowds you and nobody goes it alone
You know that flag flying over the courthouse
Means certain things are set in stone
Who we are, what we'll do and what we won't"

It's gonna be a long walk home
Hey pretty darling, don't wait up for me
Gonna be a long walk home
Hey pretty darling, don't wait up for me
Gonna be a long walk home
It's gonna be a long walk home
It's gonna be a long walk home
Hey pretty darling, don't wait up for me
Gonna be a long walk home
Hey pretty darling, don't wait up for me
Gonna be a long walk home
It's gonna be a long walk home
It's gonna be a long walk home

[guitar break]
[sax break]

I woke up enlightened.

I've spent a lot of time engrossed in the chaotic lifestyle that belongs to Jax. So, I made a decision to make changes. For a person who is good at re-structuring business and projects...I suck at it on a personal level. I've decided to step back and re-organize ME! I know, I know...I'm an overachiever, a 'yes' girl, and I need to start taking control. It looks like I'm going to take a long mental and spiritual journey.

It's long overdue...

The Four Noble Truths

1. Life means suffering.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.


1. Life means suffering.

To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursuit of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

The cessation of suffering can be attained through nirodha. Nirodha means the unmaking of sensual craving and conceptual attachment. The third noble truth expresses the idea that suffering can be ended by attaining dispassion. Nirodha extinguishes all forms of clinging and attachment. This means that suffering can be overcome through human activity, simply by removing the cause of suffering. Attaining and perfecting dispassion is a process of many levels that ultimately results in the state of Nirvana. Nirvana means freedom from all worries, troubles, complexes, fabrications and ideas. Nirvana is not comprehensible for those who have not attained it.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

There is a path to the end of suffering - a gradual path of self-improvement, which is described more detailed in the Eightfold Path. It is the middle way between the two extremes of excessive self-indulgence (hedonism) and excessive self-mortification (asceticism); and it leads to the end of the cycle of rebirth. The latter quality discerns it from other paths which are merely "wandering on the wheel of becoming", because these do not have a final object. The path to the end of suffering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout which every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance, delusions, and its effects will disappear gradually, as progress is made on the path.

I love that show and now that it's come to an end...I will watch all 3 seasons on my iPod when I am flying to Hawaii for Thanksgiving week! LOL

I'm estatic Hung won the coveted title of Top Chef at 29! Okay, my friends were rooting for Casey or Dale...but I really think that reality shows like to always make one person the bad guy and those underdogs the ones to root for. From the first episode Hung proved his culinary expertise. So, how are they going to amp up the show if not for drama? At least Hung never changed his personality. He was there to win, he was focused and put 100% into his cooking. Is it a crime to put blinders on and just have your eye on the prize? Who wouldn't want $100K, cooking celebritydom and possibly be able to open your very own restaurant with such a stellar title. It is worth going into the show with that objective. Okay, he could have been more personable and maybe more charming, but all the chefs I've known are super intense individuals with super competitive streaks. I liked a lot of the contestants but I really think the judges chose well. They chose someone who knew their craft and took pride in it. They say he's got no "soul", but that's a matter of opinion. His soul was not in the ethnicity of it all. His soul was in the precision, technical skills, taste and presentation, as how all culinary chefs are taught. I respect that. I didn't think Dale and Casey were at his level so since the show is TOP CHEF, I think it was a wise decision. Who cares if America likes Hung...all he knows is that he made his family proud and he's laughing all the way to the bank. :)

Have you ever had one of those days in which you cannot keep your eyes open no matter how exciting the day is??? I'm having one of those where I'm practically forcing myself to stay awake. I guess the next step is electric shock therapy! LOL

I have finally made reservations at Crustacean...a very shi-shi restaurant in Beverly Hills that I had no idea was Vietnamese/French Cuisine.. (Euro-Asian) Isn't that soooo cool..the history of the restaurant is just as fascinating. So, I'm going have to try it out to see if the hype is correct. :)

Now that I'm a bit sane again, I've been thinking about these bloody ATC things Romance Divas is doing. It's trading cards that will be hand designed and we'll trade off to those who are involved in this program in February. Let me tell you, these women are impressively talented! I can't believe how phenomenal this idea is.. thanks Eva Gale! She's a super talented lady herself! What am I gonna do? Something really cool...wouldn't you like to know.

Next up, I need to schedule my life better. I don't seem to have any time to breathe on the weekends. I swear my weekends are booked until the end of the year. Not to mention I'm going to be training for a half marathon for the City of Hope, which will take place December 2nd. I'm going to be busting butt to make it across the finish line. 13.5 miles, I can do it with my eyes closed! NOT!!!! So, good bye sleep, hello 4 AM trainings. :( How did I get myself into this? At least jumping out of a plane on October 20th will not require training!!!! Go Team Freefall for Heifer International!

I can't get that song out of my head... The Postal Service re-made Phil Collin's AGAINST ALL ODDS, and it's fantastic. I've been listening to it for a while and I still love it!

AGAINST ALL ODDS (Take a look at me now)
Artist: Postal Service
Originally sung: Phil Collins

How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here

Taking every breath with you
You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me
When all Ican do is watch you leave?
'cause we shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You're the only one who really new me at all

So take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind me
just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now
there's just an empty space
you coming back to me is against the odds
and that's what i've gotta face

I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face

Take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
And to wait for you is all I can do
And that's what I've got to face

Take a look at me now
I'm just standing here
And you coming back to me
Is against the odds
And that's a chance I've got to face

So take a look at me now
Take a look at me now
Take a look at me now
Take a look at me now
Take a look at me now
Take a look at me now
Take a look at me now
Take a look at me now

Not exactly...after a week of illness I am on top of the world...until I am taking the hour and 15 minute commute home, that's a whole 'nother story. I was thinking of songs and one of my favourites is James Morrison's You Give Me Something. It's a story about a guy who discovers he's in love even though he's afraid and wasn't looking for it. I find that funny that men would go through a relationship and it hits them that they are in love...whereas, IMHO, women know what they want and it's easy for them to fall in love without reservations. Maybe that's the difference. I am a true romantic, thus the romance author part of me. So, for me, when I want something...I want it bad..I will pursue until I either 1) grow bored 2) move onto something less destructive 3) I realize the person wasn't everything I imagined them to be .... hummmm, that's an interesting thought. Well, as I climb that slope to the final stretch of my novella...I will kiss my computer monitor that I have finished something after a long, dry spell! I need some inspiration!

So all you psychics out there...please give me some good news about my career and love life, otherwise, any bad news...please keep it to yourselves! LOL

"You Give Me Something"
Artist: James Morrison

You only stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep
I was meant to tread the water
But now I've gotten in too deep

For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

You only waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me
And I can say I've never bought you flowers
I can't work out what they mean

I never thought that I'd love someone
That was someone else's dream

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might call you from my heart

But it might be a second too late
And the words that I could never say
Are gonna come out anyway

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart